I don't remember many New Year's Eves but there are a few that stand out. The Masquerave I went to with some friends thinking it was masquerade party that was actually a full on rave, with very dangerous stairs that we watched many drunk people fall down. The house party where we all dressed up in formal wear and hung around in a living room playing board games. And the night newly 12 year old me wandered around Hecla Island Resort (two hours north of Winnipeg, Manitoba) alone and, for the first time that I could recall, thinking very introspective life altering thoughts. I was there with a friend and her mother and sister, and they were somewhere else in the resort, and I think it was the first time I was up that late in a public space with zero adult supervision. The freedom and realization of self-actualized responsibility was... intense. It felt like the most real moment of my life (which as I really examine what I mean by that, I think I might be describing actual happiness) and to this day I vividly recall how I felt that night and have searched (however passively and unsuccessfully) for that feeling again.
My new year's wish for you all is to find whatever it is you're looking for this year, even if what you're looking for is just a glimmer of a feeling you once had when you were young.
MONOLOGUE MONDAY
That's fine. You go on and celebrate... now. Celebrate the end of the year. Have your champagne and your countdown kisses, your songs and dances in your chic formal wear and laugh with all your friends. Celebrate the ending of this "fabulous year". Your face on billboards, the upcoming biopic. Being presented with the key to the city and little kids dressing up as you for Halloween. Pajamas with your likeness on them. It's fine. I don't mind, because this next year? It's mine. Although, evil plans and resolutions don't really go together. Like, if I'm going to enact revenge I'm going to do it, I'm not just going to TRY to do it. It's not like resolving to lose weight. Well, I'm not supposed to say that. It's something like "really commit to living a healthier lifestyle". I can't just say "I wanna lose weight" because then I'm not promoting body positivity even though, seriously, that's always what it means. But who really WANTS to lose weight? No one. I mean, numbers on a scale? Who cares? The only time those are actually relevant is when someone needs to figure out how many people the tiny sea plane can take up for an aerial view of your nemesis' lair without plummeting back into the lake because someone lied about ho much they weighed. And no, that's not an oddly specific example. It really just means, I want to be able to put on my sports bra without feeling like I'm wrestling with a boa constrictor. And when did we all collectively decide that our secret disguises needed to be made out of spandex? Yeah, it's bendy and flexible but like, so are sweat pants. Now that I think about it, maybe I should really commit to living a healthier lifestyle and maybe that means not engaging in rooftop battles and instead waging a brilliant PR campaign from my laptop at home. In sweat pants. With a cat curled up in my lap, and a glass of wine. So yeah, enjoy the fireworks of your branded logo in the sky. For now.
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